I was at a meeting the other day, when a new guy shared that he was having a hard time staying sober. His deal was that it's not easy for him like it is for us guys who already have a bunch of time.
This does beg the question, how much time does he think us 'old timers' had when we first got sober?
The same guy flakes out on stuff; has excuses along the lines that he can't be expected to do what he says; he's in early recovery, he's still toxic, he's just an addict...
There's another guy I used to hang out with at meetings. He'd had a pretty long stretch of recovery (double digits), and then went out, and returned.
I caught up with him recently. We were talking about working on cars, when I mentioned needing some parts that were kind of expensive, even at the Pull-A-Part.
His advice was to surreptitiously drop 'em in my toolbox while picking up something cheap, like a turn signal lens.
Since I knew he should know better, I had to ask, "what the fuck part of 'rigorous honesty' does that fall under?"
I guess I should have become a diplomat.
Anyway, the reply I got was a justification about how much the junkyard pays for the car, versus how much they charge for the parts... which seemed to me to have nothing to do with whether or not stealing is okay.
So, what's the point? That I'm better than these guys?
Hardly. Believe me, if you could see what goes on between my ears... well, let's just suffice it to say that I'm one flat larcenous sonofabitch at heart.
The point is, that I'm required to live by spiritual principles (one of which is honesty), in order to maintain my sobriety.
Oh, by the way, I don't actually have the power in and of myself to be honest; it's actually one of many gifts that I've received. Sound like a Catch-22? Help yourself to a cookie, and go to the front of the class!
But, I've had to do my best. And that was something I was able to do from the start.
-M
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