the sweet spot

I was at a meeting a while ago, and someone said something in a way that brought two big ideas together in one little sentence:

"I could never find that sweet spot".

Yeah, I know I wrote about this a couple blogs ago...

...but, I want to dive a little deeper.

Normal people don't have a 'sweet spot' to hit.  They have a puff or two, or a drink or two.  And that's it.  No biggie.  It doesn't require any more thought than how much mayonnaise to put on a sandwich. 

I can't really comprehend what that's like.  I was always searching for somewhere north of a little buzzed, but south of paranoia and problems.   Things looked like this:

• Smoke a little bit... think that I won't smoke too much.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.  
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Regret smoking so much.

The 'normal' person stops after that first or second line there.  There's no "enough - but not too much" kind of issue.  They just have a bit, and that's it.


Assholes.  ;-)


But, since I have the physiology of an addict, whenever I have some, I want more.  Physical addiction.


And then, there's the thinking that makes me try again the next time.  Anybody with a grain of sense would realize that there was a problem if they couldn't quit sneezing or farting. 

But if it's drinking or smoking, then we'll decide that it wasn't really that bad.  We'll drink on a full stomach; only smoke hash and not bud, or what the hell ever.  Psychological addiction.


Yeah, all of this, contained in the phrase "kept trying to find the sweet spot".

-M