stand up

I was at a meeting the other day, when a new guy shared that he was having a hard time staying sober.  His deal was that it's not easy for him like it is for us guys who already have a bunch of time.

This does beg the question, how much time does he think us 'old timers' had when we first got sober?

The same guy flakes out on stuff; has excuses along the lines that he can't be expected to do what he says; he's in early recovery, he's still toxic, he's just an addict...

There's another guy I used to hang out with at meetings.  He'd had a pretty long stretch of recovery (double digits), and then went out, and returned.

I caught up with him recently.  We were talking about working on cars, when I mentioned needing some parts that were kind of expensive, even at the Pull-A-Part.

His advice was to surreptitiously drop 'em in my toolbox while picking up something cheap, like a turn signal lens.

Since I knew he should know better, I had to ask, "what the fuck part of 'rigorous honesty' does that fall under?"

I guess I should have become a diplomat.

Anyway, the reply I got was a justification about how much the junkyard pays for the car, versus how much they charge for the parts...  which seemed to me to have nothing to do with whether or not stealing is okay.

So, what's the point?  That I'm better than these guys?

Hardly.  Believe me, if you could see what goes on between my ears... well, let's just suffice it to say that I'm one flat larcenous sonofabitch at heart.

The point is, that I'm required to live by spiritual principles (one of which is honesty), in order to maintain my sobriety.

Oh, by the way, I don't actually have the power in and of myself to be honest; it's actually one of many gifts that I've received.  Sound like a Catch-22?  Help yourself to a cookie, and go to the front of the class!

But, I've had to do my best.  And that was something I was able to do from the start.

-M

The Third Reich

"Big Book Nazis"

"Step Nazis"

I've heard people throw these terms about to describe Big Book thumpers.

Uh, let's get something straight here:  Nazis were the Nationalist/Socialist (Nationalsozialistische Deutsche Arbeiterpartei) party from Germany between 1919 and 1945.  They were not, by and large, offering to take anybody through the Twelve Steps.

Nazis rounded up Jews, homosexuals, Communists, the physically and mentally disabled, along with any dissenters, and herded them into ovens...

 ...or shot the ones who resisted on the spot.

Get the difference?

-M

Hey, I resemble that remark

My buddy who moved to Whidbey Island called... we had a good palaver.  I think that he forgets that, although I'm almost young enough to be his son, I've been clean for a fair while...

So, he mentioned that he hasn't met many people who stayed clean for any appreciable time (a few years) who weren't court-ordered.

"uh, you're talking to one."

But, he's right, in that there aren't a lot of guys who are sober who weren't involved with an employer, spouse, or the legal system.  Not many of us get recovery just because our life sucks.

Here's a hint:  it's because we're pussies.  We wuss out before someone makes us quit.

All kidding aside, I've wondered why the hell I stuck with it at first.  I only had the one friend who was going to meetings, and he had to to stay out of jail.  None of my other friends were supportive (well, not initially) of this.

When my mom heard that it was a spiritual program, she was sure it was a cult.  Or a bunch of hippies.  Either way, although she didn't want me to keep using, she was less than ecstatic.  Basically, she was of the opinion that if I needed a spiritual experience, the Catholic church was the place to go.  End of discussion.

My father was considerably less supportive.  In fact, the proper term would probably be antagonistic.  He wanted me to "man up" and exercise my willpower.  He'd seen those drunks in AA meetings, and was there to tell me that they were a sorry bunch of losers who couldn't stay sober.

I remember getting a letter from him while we were on opposite sides of the Pacific (literally, as well as figuratively).  He wrote something to the effect that "the world doesn't work the same way as your AA program", and that I'd best get on with my life and leave that foolishness behind.

But, maybe that's why I stuck with it; nobody told me to do it, almost everybody in my life told me not to get involved with twelve step programs, and a bunch of the people in 'em (well, basically some members in Marijuana Anonymous) wanted to run me out.

I may not be quite as full of 'piss and vinegar' as I was half a lifetime ago, but I still have a strong "oh yeah" streak.

Sitting with my mom the other day, she had Fox News on.  Every single commercial break had one or more (sometimes three) ads for gold*.

Why?  Well, because somebody wants to sell, of course.  But, if they don't want to hold that investment, why the hell should I?  So, I called a friend who's an investment banker, to ask that very question.

"You're a natural contrarian," he said.  Which in the world of investment, isn't a value judgment; it just means that you don't jump to drink the Kool Aid.

Well, in my case, being 'contrarian' may go beyond just questioning the status quo.  Believe me: way, way beyond.

And sometimes, that works out well for me.

-M


*As it turns out, this may not be such a horrid time to buy gold; the large - as in giant conglomerates, and national governments - investors had bought heavily in the 1970's when the price rose sharply; it has risen to a good point for them to liquidate some of that investment without taking a loss.  However, he also told me that, as a private investor, selling gold is very, very expensive.  Like thirty cents on the dollar expensive.  Ouch!