notable quotes

I have a buddy who's great for pithy sayings.

Recent ones he's discovered and spread around: 

"the spiritual part of the (AA) program is like the wet part of the ocean", and "I've given up all hope of ever having a better past".

I'm getting to like ideas I can wrap my head around phrased in a  single sentence.

-M

somebody said if for me...

I was at a treatment center meeting the other day; and as usual, I took too much time to say half of what I'd intended to.

But, luckily, someone else made one of my points for me.

There are people who can quit taking drugs or alcohol on their own.  But, there's an easy way to differentiate these people from those who really need a 12 step program.

When an addict of my variety quits using, his life continues to get worse, not better.  It takes spiritual help to keep me going in a positive direction.

The kind of person who can quit - and stay quit - on his own, is the person whose life continues to get better after removing drugs or alcohol.  Without any outside interference.

There are times I envy these people, but that's not really very productive.  Guess I've kinda' got my lot in life.  And, all in all, it's a pretty good one.

-M

all I can say is... wow

I was talking to a friend today, whose latest sponsee had decided to take Penn and Tellers' advice, and quit going to AA.

So, I went on youtube, and checked out some videos featuring Penn and Teller, 'debunking' AA.

Only one problem, guys:  it seems to actually work.

I've been going for a fair while now.  And, I've found that, out of people who attend meetings regularly (most meetings are held weekly, so "regular" attendance of meetings would indicate at least one per week), and who do the twelve steps along with a tutor (aka sponsor), and pray (to whatever god they choose) on a daily basis, the majority (i.e. over half) get and stay clean and sober.  At least, until they change their course of action.

I've met a bunch of people who've relapsed; I've rarely run across anyone who's told me that they were actually doing all these things, and still went back out.  I've met plenty of people who tell me that they had been doing all those things, and then slacked off...

One of the best things I like about some of these videos about 'deprogramming oneself from AA', and the like... the insistance that Alcoholics Anonymous is some sort of cult.

Uh, yeah.

Stop and think of it, don't most cults tell people:

• that they are a member if they say they are,
• that a small donation to help defray costs of literature, coffee, and rent would be appreciated - but is by no means required (and a number of meetings specifically ask that new people not donate for their first few visits),
• the only requirement for membership is a desire for recovery,
• they are free to believe in whatever concept of a god they choose,
• and that the door is over there, if you don't feel that this is working out for you.

Oh, wait, I guess maybe they don't.

-M

birthday night

Last night, I went and visited my friend on Whidbey Island.

Getting started a little later than I intended, I hit I-5 northbound with a vengeance.  I decided to get in the left lane and go like hell.  After riding my Sportster from just north of Seattle to Mount Vernon, I'd had enough of 70+ mile-per-hour travel.  The wind gets tiresome, especially on a motorcycle without a windshield.

Also, the combination of the "drag bars" (low-slung handlebars) don't really work so well for me with the existing forward-mounted footpegs that the bike has.  It's okay around town, but on the highway, I found my legs were getting tired from having them in an awkward position while holding myself against the wind.  This surprised me; I've spent a lot of time on the bike over the last couple months riding at 40-50 miles per hour, and never run into this issue.

So, I was more than happy to cut over to 536 (or whatever it's called) that would intersect with highway 20 en route to Anacortes. Then, I followed 20 over Deception Pass, through Oak Harbor, to Greenbank.

It's funny, at fifty MPH, the wind is hitting with about 71% of the speed that it is at seventy, but only about half the force.  (If you don't have a motorbike handy, you can get a sense of this by holding something big and flat, like a folder, out the car window at thirty, and then again at 45 miles per hour... the wind resistance goes up much faster than the speed increases.)

This caused me to reflect that this is an analog for a lot of other things in my life.  Sometimes, running around and racing to get to a goal I want to hit just doesn't bring me the satisfaction that I expect.  Sometimes getting the thing I want also doesn't work out as well as I think it should.  But that's okay; I get to stop and take a break at Deception Pass (both literally - as on the trip - and figuratively).

After I got to Greenbank, my friend took me to the monthly Birthday meeting in Langley, where there were two other guys besides myself who were celebrating 23 years this month.

I mean, whod've thunk it?  Out of a couple dozen people or so at that little meeting, there were three guys who all got sober in June of 1988? 

And not only that, but I ran into someone who goes to two of the meetings I regularly attend.

Go figure.

By the way, if you're anywhere near the area, the meetings in Langley, at the fellowship hall happen at noon and in the evening.  It's a small community, but there's a weekly step study, and some really nice people with some good recovery.

So, lots of pleasant stuff to think about.  But it's time to get some studying done.

-M

the sweet spot

I was at a meeting a while ago, and someone said something in a way that brought two big ideas together in one little sentence:

"I could never find that sweet spot".

Yeah, I know I wrote about this a couple blogs ago...

...but, I want to dive a little deeper.

Normal people don't have a 'sweet spot' to hit.  They have a puff or two, or a drink or two.  And that's it.  No biggie.  It doesn't require any more thought than how much mayonnaise to put on a sandwich. 

I can't really comprehend what that's like.  I was always searching for somewhere north of a little buzzed, but south of paranoia and problems.   Things looked like this:

• Smoke a little bit... think that I won't smoke too much.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.  
• Smoke a little more... think that I shouldn't smoke much more.
• Regret smoking so much.

The 'normal' person stops after that first or second line there.  There's no "enough - but not too much" kind of issue.  They just have a bit, and that's it.


Assholes.  ;-)


But, since I have the physiology of an addict, whenever I have some, I want more.  Physical addiction.


And then, there's the thinking that makes me try again the next time.  Anybody with a grain of sense would realize that there was a problem if they couldn't quit sneezing or farting. 

But if it's drinking or smoking, then we'll decide that it wasn't really that bad.  We'll drink on a full stomach; only smoke hash and not bud, or what the hell ever.  Psychological addiction.


Yeah, all of this, contained in the phrase "kept trying to find the sweet spot".

-M

Secretarying the meeting at the treatment center...

Last Friday, I had two service calls.  First, a friend texted me that he'd fallen off the wagon.  While I was getting ready, another friend called to ask if I'd fill in for him as secretary of a meeting at a treatment center.

On my way to the twelfth-step call, I decided I'd call in some backup.  Searching through my phone, I ran across the name of a guy who'd been the secretary of a meeting I go to.  He had a bunch of experience with finding housing for guys.  Perfect.  Because, frankly, I was intimidated by the thought of going.  It's been years since I'd done this.

Then, I called my sponsor.  He's a substance-abuse counselor, and works with new people all the time.

That day, I was really happy to have my friend with me, and the advice of my sponsor.  I'd had no real plan, other than to pick up my friend who'd texted me, and take him to a meeting.  Which is pretty much what we ended up doing. 

The next day, someone said something very profound at the meeting.  He said that when we quit saying, "I'm going to do this," and start asking, "what do I do", is when we start having a chance. 

As soon as I heard that, I knew it was something to hang on to.  That one sentence sums up what I've seen for the last two decades.

Then, after some reflection, I felt better, and quit being so hard on myself about being nervous to go on a twelfth-step call.  I figured it was better than being cocky.

Now, I just hope my next service call doesn't come during prime motorcycle riding weather...



-M

something cool I heard at a meeting

I've heard a lot of people say that they don't say anything original at meetings; that what they say, including their own drunkalogs, they've heard from others*.


Hell, I've plagarized that statement during meetings, myself.

Anyway, I heard something that summed an idea up more elegantly than I've heard it before:

Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less.

Now, it's going on eleven o' clock in the evening; time for some sleep.


-M



*I didn't know at least half of my own story, until I heard someone else tell it about themselves, and thought, "yeah, I'm just like that!"