something cool I heard at a meeting

I've heard a lot of people say that they don't say anything original at meetings; that what they say, including their own drunkalogs, they've heard from others*.


Hell, I've plagarized that statement during meetings, myself.

Anyway, I heard something that summed an idea up more elegantly than I've heard it before:

Humility isn't thinking less of yourself; it's thinking of yourself less.

Now, it's going on eleven o' clock in the evening; time for some sleep.


-M



*I didn't know at least half of my own story, until I heard someone else tell it about themselves, and thought, "yeah, I'm just like that!"

RIP, Nesta Robert Marley

Today marks the thirtieth anniversary of the passing of Bob Marley, aka Robert Nesta Marley, born Nesta Robert Marley.

I imagine anybody reading this blog will know who he is.  If not, well, Google is your friend.

Now, it might seem odd to write about a reggae singer, a Rastafarian, in a blog dedicated to (of all things) marijuana recovery.  But, there's a point here.

In December 1976, Bob Marley, his wife, and his manager were assaulted in Marley's home two days before his scheduled performance at the "Smile Jamaica" concert.  He had been receiving pressure to not appear at the concert, which had been put together by Jamaica's Prime Minister.

Bob Marley went on stage as scheduled.

The lesson here is that he had beliefs, convictions, and passion.  These are the reasons why Bob Marley - the man, not just the musician - should be remembered.

The question is:  do I have enough passion, enough belief, and enough conviction to show up like him?  If it required anything more than a minor poking at my tender little ego, would I still go to a meeting?  Sponsor a new guy?  Write an inventory?

In other words... he's one of those guys who inspires me to 'Cowboy Up'.

-M

holy crap, it's another birthday!

Yeah, forty-four by the bellybutton today.

Next month, I'll celebrate 8400 days of continuous sobriety.  One meeting I sometimes attend celebrates a length of time called 'the twinkie', in honor of the snack food's seven-year shelf life.

I've been told that seven years equals one karmic cycle.  Oddly enough, I used for seven years.  From the ages of fourteen to twenty-one.  Wonder if that means a damned thing.

But, this month, I have my 23rd anniversary off pot.  No kidding.

If you find that hard to believe, that's okay; so do I.

This last few weeks, I've been going to meetings at a treatment center.  So, I've been hearing first step stuff there.  But, it's also been coming up at other meetings.

Which has been giving me a bit to think about vis-à-vis how come I've stayed sober.  Since, I'm not really some kind of intellectual or spiritual giant.

Some things came to mind.  First, I've always been one of those guys who tries to do what he says he'll do.  Second, I got my ass rode hard - real hard - early on; people got in my face and told me I was going to fail.  That kind of gave me a 'mean-on' for staying sober:  there was no way I was going to give anybody the satisfaction of giving me an "I-told-you-so".  I've wrote about both of these before.

But, the other thing that's come up for me several times is the phrases, "this time", and "try".  I guess that I just don't have any patience with either of these ideas; they strike me as built-in excuses for failure.  I keep hearing 'em out of the mouths of new guys; never from guys with multiple years.  Makes me think that these are ideas that must be counterproductive; winners drop these ideas, or never pick 'em up to begin with.

To say "this time", means that whatever I'm going through is just part of a series.  There have been other times.  Well, since I'm not so sure that I'm going to get another time, that "this time" shit doesn't sit well with me.  This time is quite likely my only shot.

Then, there's the concept of "trying".   I've been known to holler, "Yoda up, bitch!" at someone who said he was "trying to quit". (Jedi Master Yoda: "Do, or do not. There is no 'try.'") 

If allowing the concept of 'this time' being one of a series of attempts at recovery can be equated to shooting yourself in the foot, then - in my humble opinion - "trying" to quit is akin to jamming a thermonuclear warhead up your ass and hitting the button.  One is likely to give you a hell of a setback; the other likely to flat take your ass out.  I'll pass on both, thanks.


Now, I know that somebody reading this will be thinking, "yeah that's easy for you - you've got all this time."  Well, lemme-tell-ya'-something...  this is how I've got all this time.  Wouldn't have got where I am by thinking that relapse is any kind of an option. 


Last night, the chairman asked if anybody could give one single example of anything they've had hurt by working the steps.  I didn't get a chance to talk, but it hit me that pride would be the answer.  Screw pride.

Now, you may have watched Pulp Fiction; if not, there's a quote by Ving Rhames' character Marsellus Wallace that I think is apropos: 

"...you may feel a slight sting. That's pride fucking with you. Fuck pride. Pride only hurts, it never helps."  

Well, gonna' wrap it up here.  If you're pissed off by my remarks... well, I'm okay with that.  Not happy about it, but okay with it.  Probably messed with your pride a little.  And, that means you'll think about what I said.  Hopefully, it'll give you something you can use.   
-M