Figured I'd best check in... the idea behind blogging is that one actually does it, after all.
But, that damned first step has been sitting in the corner menacing me.
And of all the steps, that's the one that scares me the most. No shit. Not inventory; not amends.
But, looking - really looking - at how powerless I am is uncomfortable. And, I've had a couple first steps early on that really ground my nose in the mess (so to speak).
Anyway, there's some random things that've been stuck in my mind of late.
First was some woman at a meeting talking about how it was impossible to find that 'sweet spot' when drinking; where she'd had enough, but not too much.
Yeah, I can remember that feeling.
Next was on this first step I'm writing out; it asks me what things were bothering me that I drank over (well, in my case, drank, smoked pot, snorted meth, smoked coke...). When I wrote down what I used to use over, I realized that it's the same stuff that still spanks me today.
The third thing is about shooting. One of the guys from my old home group had put the word out, looking for folks interested in clean and sober shooting. Well, I was down with that, since I owned a pistol, and it sounded like fun.
Lately, I've been pretty active in looking to bring other sober gun enthusiasts on board. It's been a really fun extra-curricular activity (well, going to dinner afterward has been a pretty good part, too), and has given me a reason to get off my ass and talk to people that I'd usually ignore.
And, that there is the important thing. It's not the shooting. It's not even the eating (okay, a couple of those meals were epic). It's all about the fellowship.
Since about the time I had fifteen years, I've started slowing down talking to people at meetings. I've gone from one of those guys who sponsored a number of men, and would always welcome every newcomer, to being the guy who sits at the back of the room.
Time to find my way back to doing what I used to do. Time to get busy, before I become the guy who's buying a six pack and a sack; trying to get the mix just right - enough so that the demons will shut up, not so much that things go pear-shaped again.
-M
But, that damned first step has been sitting in the corner menacing me.
And of all the steps, that's the one that scares me the most. No shit. Not inventory; not amends.
But, looking - really looking - at how powerless I am is uncomfortable. And, I've had a couple first steps early on that really ground my nose in the mess (so to speak).
Anyway, there's some random things that've been stuck in my mind of late.
First was some woman at a meeting talking about how it was impossible to find that 'sweet spot' when drinking; where she'd had enough, but not too much.
Yeah, I can remember that feeling.
Next was on this first step I'm writing out; it asks me what things were bothering me that I drank over (well, in my case, drank, smoked pot, snorted meth, smoked coke...). When I wrote down what I used to use over, I realized that it's the same stuff that still spanks me today.
The third thing is about shooting. One of the guys from my old home group had put the word out, looking for folks interested in clean and sober shooting. Well, I was down with that, since I owned a pistol, and it sounded like fun.
Lately, I've been pretty active in looking to bring other sober gun enthusiasts on board. It's been a really fun extra-curricular activity (well, going to dinner afterward has been a pretty good part, too), and has given me a reason to get off my ass and talk to people that I'd usually ignore.
And, that there is the important thing. It's not the shooting. It's not even the eating (okay, a couple of those meals were epic). It's all about the fellowship.
Since about the time I had fifteen years, I've started slowing down talking to people at meetings. I've gone from one of those guys who sponsored a number of men, and would always welcome every newcomer, to being the guy who sits at the back of the room.
Time to find my way back to doing what I used to do. Time to get busy, before I become the guy who's buying a six pack and a sack; trying to get the mix just right - enough so that the demons will shut up, not so much that things go pear-shaped again.
-M
