Step one, part zero

One of the things I wanted to write when I first decided to blog, was a compilation of my thoughts on the twelve steps.

Especially the first one.

It's been my experience, both for myself, and working with others, that when there's difficulty moving forward on a certain step, it's a good idea to back up and look to the steps worked earlier.  Oftentimes, there's something that was glossed over.  There is, after all, a reason that the book Alcoholics Anonymous dedicates 43 pages to the first step - and only 121 more on the remaining eleven combined.

When I was fairly new in the program, only a few years in, I had a sponsor who was an alcoholic.  Seeing as I was a pothead first and foremost, a crackhead and tweaker secondarily, and a drunk only as a tertiary issue, he grilled the hell out of me on the first step.


For anybody who is uncomfortable with the AA book, my advice is to perhaps get a copy of the CA book (which I've read, and like), the NA Basic Text (which I know nothing about), or the MA book.  I've always used the AA book.  I got sober before Life With Hope (the Marijuana Anonymous 'big book') was written, and have never really had any desire to quit using the original that's worked for millions.

For myself, I'm not really 'in tune' with the MA book; perhaps it's just from having used the AA book for so long.  However, the Twelve Questions (listed below) are thought-provoking:

1. Has smoking pot stopped being fun?
2. Do you ever get high alone?
3. Is it hard for you to imagine a life without marijuana?
4. Do you find that your friends are determined by your marijuana use?
5. Do you smoke marijuana to avoid dealing with your problems?
6. Do you smoke pot to cope with your feelings?
7. Does your marijuana use let you live in a privately defined world?
8. Have you ever failed to keep promises you made about cutting down or controlling your dope smoking?
9. Has you use of marijuana caused problems with memory, concentration, or motivation?
10. When your stash is nearly empty, do you feel anxious or worried about how to get more?
11. Do you plan your life around your marijuana use?
12. Have friends or relatives ever complained that your pot smoking is damaging your relationship with them?

Useful questions, to be sure.  But, having gone through the steps more than once, I'm sure that a person can answer "yes" to a bunch of the MA questions without being an addict.  Screwed up?  Defenitely.  An addict?  Inconclusive.

I'd contend that a person could get high alone, have people complain about it, smoke weed to deal with feelings, and just associate with people who get high... but still be able to quit without help.  And stay quit.

In fact, I've known people who have.  Don't you just hate people who can simply decide to do something like that, and do it?

That's not my experience as an addict.  I wanted to quit, and couldn't.


Studying the first step explained why.

-M